With a sinking feeling of dread, I know I have to tell a friend her husband is cheating.
How do I do that? Should I even do that?
Why do we ignore signs of infidelity even when they are so obvious? Being blindsided by love and just not being able to see the signs of an unfaithful spouse or partner is an all too common scenario and it can strike anyone. We want to believe so badly in a relationship that we are prepared to overlook some really obvious signs that the relationship may be in trouble, sometimes before it even really gets started.
What do you do if you are put in a position where you know a friend is being cheated on. The evidence is there, it is a definite betrayal.
Should You Say Something Or Not?
If you are a friend, you can see this situation from a third party perspective.
You will now have the dilemma of having to decide if you tell your friend that their partner is cheating on them. Frankly, it’s not a position any friend wants to find themselves in.
This is sometimes made more difficult because you may have not liked the partner before finding out about the betrayal so it can seem like sour grapes to speak the truth.
The friend may see this as a reaction to the friend already not liking the partner and the relationship between the friends becomes fractured.
So it isn’t always a clear path for either the friend or the person who has been betrayed. Sometimes a friend will choose to say nothing because they are not 100% sure of what is happening or they don’t want to rock the boat.
How Do I Actually Tell My Friend Her Husband Is Cheating?
There is no easy way. How you approach your friend to break the bad news is tricky but ultimately you have to “man up” and just do it.
It is up to your friend to decide how she wants to proceed and they may or may not want your support. She may be angry at you so be prepared for all sorts of emotions.
Do Women Really Want To Know If They Are Being Cheated On?
The general consensus is, yes, it is better to be told.
You may have already had this discussion with your friend and know where she stands on this matter. If she is a ‘definitely want to know’ person, it may make it that bit easier for you to go ahead and tell her the truth.
It is all too easy to say, “Oh yes I would definitely want to know if my partner was cheating” but when you are actually in that position it is not quite as clear cut.
Ultimately though if this is a good friend and you are 100% sure that her partner is cheating, you owe it to her to say something.
It will hurt and there may be disbelief but it is better to say what you know. It is difficult as a friend because you know it is going to hurt and that is going to be tough.
Be prepared that she might also disbelieve what you are saying and be angry that you have suggested such a thing.
Sometimes though a friend might be affirming something that she has already suspected but not identified.
Now that it is out in the open it may be easier for your friend to actually do something and take some positive steps forward.While there is nothing being said it is still possible and safer to believe nothing is really going on.
From A Health Perspective
It is absolutely not fair if your friend picks up an STD from her partner. She deserves to know what is going on so that she can then make her own decisions about what to do going forward.
She May Find Out Without Me Saying Anything
Picture this, your friend does eventually find out that her partner was cheating.
She may be disappointed or even angry that you decided to say nothing. Where will that leave you?
Beyond that you don’t really have much control but be prepared for a backlash and then ride out the storm. Even if your friend doesn’t believe you at first, there may come a time when she does see what is really happening and then will need your support.
The Couple May Remain Together
Also be prepared for the fact that the couple may well remain together and you may find yourself dealing with this fallout also and the fallout may be your friendship.
If this does happen, the relationship you have with with your friend and partner may be difficult for some time but actually over time, often these things have a way of resolving themselves. No situation is perfect.
If you feel conflicted about saying something ask yourself whether or not you would want a friend to tell you if your partner was cheating. Don’t just think of the initial reaction of anger but consider the implications this would have on a relationship and the people involved.