This from a reader …I need online dating advice for women over 50.
I am 51, female, divorced and recently started to date again! It’s hard out there these days.
Is it my age? I guess it could be. I’ve had some good…and some bad…experiences so far. I really want to give this a good go. I need advice.
Make It A Little Easier On Yourself
It is hard getting back out there. I must admit, I completed my online profile and sort of thought I had overcome a big hurdle and I guess in my mind I had.
However, it is just the start and there are definitely some dos and don’ts.
You do actually need to start dating!
Lisa Copeland says in her book – to basically forget the way you dated when you were growing up. It doesn’t work anymore. Whether your dream is to get married or find a partner, The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50 is jam packed with advice for women getting into the online dating scene. It is written for over fifties but it’s all good advice and I can see it working for people much younger.
I have written a detailed review of the entire book here. It is an excellent book, easy to read and really packed with advice. I couldn’t put it down. The good thing is you can go back and read chapters again as there is so much really useful information.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up!
You are never going to be happy with all of the choices you make because people do exaggerate the truth and apart from applying your best lie detecting skills there is nothing you can do about this.
So in light of that, don’t beat yourself up if things don’t work out. You can’t control how people will act, so aim to make each experience a positive one and learn from what happens.
The Dos and Don’ts of Online Dating Advice For Women Over 50
Don’t talk about the ex and it doesn’t matter how ex, just don’t talk about the ex, especially in the beginning.
If the relationship does go somewhere those things will naturally come out in conversation but in the beginning, a definite no.
If your date asks about your ex, you can always have something prepared but don’t come across as bitter and twisted.
Don’t be put off if he doesn’t match up to the image you had of a smoking hot bod.
Yes even old dudes can have smoking hot bods – it’s all relative.
Don’t overlook the hidden gems. It’s not all about the body.
Don’t divulge your life story when first meeting. There is no need to say too much too soon. You will know you have said too much when you see that glazed over look in his eyes.
Don’t be anxiously trying to please. This may be as a result of nervousness but always just be yourself, don’t try to be someone that you are not. It won’t work out in the long term if you are constantly trying to live up to a facade of what you think he wants in a partner.
Don’t assume that one great date means that you are now dating. It may have worked like that way back then but not necessarily so now. You may get along really well but also be aware that your date may also be having coffee dates with other women. As long as you are open with each other there will be no misunderstandings.
Do have a good sense of humor. Try to bring some light heartedness to the scene even if you’re feeling nervous. There’s a good chance that he is nervous too.
Do be an interested listener. Don’t be waiting to interject all the time just be prepared to go with the flow.
Do be polite, it is just good manners and even if his standards are lacking remember that yours don’t have to be the same. If you do walk away knowing that you won’t see the person again, at least you have done that in good faith.
More Things To Consider
Show your date the same kindness and respect you want in return.
Once you feel comfortable with this man make sure that you are emotionally accessible. Don’t hide behind a veneer or facade to protect yourself.
That doesn’t mean that you have to reveal all but show that you are prepared to trust emotionally.
Communication is largely the key in any successful relationship so make sure that you start off on the right foot. also. Sharing is important.
It is also important to go on the date with no huge expectations other than going out to have a good time.
It may lead to another date and maybe it won’t but don’t go in with too many preconceived ideas other than to have good time and meet someone new.
Who is going to pay? Some women prefer to pay on a first date as it somehow nullifies any expectations a male might have by paying. This may not work for some and it can be a gray area. Lisa Copeland explains this very well in her book and has some very good advice regarding who should pay. Lisa does manage to simplify things in an entirely commonsense way.
First Date – Go For Coffee
Going out for a coffee is always a good idea for a first date. For a start it is in a public place, an important consideration as the person you are meeting is a stranger even if you have been conversing by email.
It just makes sense to take precautions for your own safety until you get to know this person.
In addition going to a coffee shop means there has been no great expense in the first place, it is just a coffee and you can still enjoy the social situation.
If you are not really hitting it off, it is shorter time wise than going out to dinner. If it does work out there is always the option of going to dinner but it is just that, an option so there is way out for everyone.
There are basic safety precautions that you need to take but remember the main idea is to be light hearted and go with the positive opinion that you will be meeting someone new and you will have a good time.
Over Fifty Dating Site
SeniorMatch.com – the first and largest senior dating site for senior singles in the world, thousands of local and worldwide verified members.!