Why Am I Unhappy In My Marriage?
It is confronting and sad at the same time, to think that you are unhappily married.
Let’s face it, no one wants to be that person in a loveless marriage or even admit to being in that situation.
Being unhappy in a marriage can be from just drifting apart. There may not be any huge discord but there is no satisfaction either.
When someone describes their marital state as “happily married” do you wonder what that is actually like?
It immediately conjures up images of a blissful life and a loving partnership and everything smelling like roses.
Many people do have a “happily married” state but if you don’t live in a state of “happily ever after” there is bound to be a bit of relationship envy.
Unhappy In My Marriage – What Can I do?
The happily married scenario is subjective, as everyone is going to have their own opinion of what happily married looks like and there isn’t a right or wrong.
What it boils down to, is if in your heart of heart of hearts you feel unhappily married. So it’s time to have the hard talk with yourself and face some facts that maybe you have been ignoring.
Are are you going to do anything about it?
This may depend on your reasons for being unhappy.
Issues of compatibility will have a different emotional response to issues of infidelity.
Perhaps you have drifted apart over the years and feel that you are no longer compatible. This is normal and happens to many married couples. It might just mean that you need to reconnect.
Your head-space will be quite different to someone who has been cheated on where there will also be anger and trust issues.
Are You Going To Stay Or Leave?
Where do you start with this?
There are many factors to consider apart from your own feelings and that is matters pertaining to children, property, joint assets and so on.
Then there’s the head and the heart issue.
The heart may feel unhappily married but for whatever reason the head is saying it is okay to stay in the marriage and that is of course your choice. In order for the heart and the head to come to some sort of resolution it will help if you have some time apart.
It is hard to think clearly without the luxury of time and the opportunity to think things through and perhaps speak to trusted friends or a relationship adviser. You need to come to terms with the situation and it is difficult to do that when you are together all the time. If your situation makes this difficult, get away for a few days or even a weekend.
Whatever choice you do make, make it knowing that you have given the situation your full attention.
Why Would You Stay In The Marriage?
Leaving aside issues of abuse which will not be discussed here, you need time to decide if you want to stay in a marriage.
When you are angry or upset the decisions you make might not be the best ones. Don’t make big decisions when you are upset or feeling emotional.
Have you been unhappily married for a long time?
Sometimes, the marriage may not necessarily be bad enough to leave but there is no satisfaction in staying and you just see more of the same happening years down the path.
This can be a sad state of affairs that over time colors all that you do in your life.
Often a reason for staying in a marriage is financial. Your finances may support two people adequately but might not support two people living separately. This is a very real and common scenario and for some it is easier to stay than to leave.
When you commit to a marriage you never think you will be in a position of thinking about separating. As you are possibly at that point now, you can take steps towards healing your marriage and making it stronger than before. This is not a half hearted issue and a proper commitment is needed.
Author Rachel Rider is one of Meet Your Sweet’s stable of talented dating and relationships writers. She has assembled a course that cuts right to the heart of relationship problems.
The course offers time-tested and proven techniques that will help you examine and fix your relationship, no matter how bad it seems.
Do Both Parties Need To Be Committed?
Did you say, yes ? Actually research has shown that this is not necessarily the case. One committed partner can take action.
It would certainly help if your partner is also willing to work on the marriage however this may not be the case.
There is nothing to stop you from taking charge and getting some help to make the marriage work.
Having some help to show you a way forward and that there is a plan you can put into place will give you the confidence to start working towards strengthening the ties you have with your husband. Leaving is always an option however you owe it to yourself to try all that you can before leaving the relationship and you have absolutely no ‘what ifs’ after you have left.
Can I Make It Work?
Well, there is the evidence that one person can breathe new fire into a relationship.
What about love? Yes it’s the glue behind all relationships.
Where is your passion for the marriage? Unhappily married people often fear that the only reason they are in the marriage because of habit – in short the love has gone.
Your marriage may not have conflict however there is no love and it is a cold, sterile environment.
You can go to couples counselling to help resolve conflict and identify behaviors in each other that don’t work for your marriage.
The First Step – What To Do
It is paralyzing not knowing how to repair marriage problems.
It takes the ability to step outside your day-to-day difficulties and look at different ways of viewing your marriage.
Change is possible, and if you want it bad enough, you can rescue and repair your troubled and wounded relationship.
This is a science based test and it focuses on compatibility.
It is a very easy test to take. From the detail in the test you can be sure that the matches will be worth your time.
You can use a username of your choice rather than entering your own name, if you prefer
This site has Free and Paid options.
You can also do the test a little at a time. Just save your work and come back to it later.