Picture this scenario. You have been asked to give a speech. You are a bit hesitant at first but you are well prepared so although you are feeling a bit nervous you are also quietly confident.
Things don't go quite as planned. No one seems to be taking much notice. Some people are checking their i phones, a few are chatting quietly to each other and a couple are even leaving. Now you are feeling uncomfortable.
They are not purposefully trying to make you feel bad. They are just immersed in what is important to them. When you are in this less than desirable position you feel insecure, nervous and tense and wish the ground would just swallow you up.
So now what do you do? You have to carry on and hope that you are not looking desperate, or that your voice is not rising an octave because of fear of failure and what about that lame attempt at a joke.That didn't go down well.
Any way you want to look at it, it's really hard work to talk to a group of people that are just not listening.
However, wait for it, THAT IS what it can be like going out with you.
What on earth do you mean?
What Did I Do Wrong?
Evan Marc Katz, the successful dating coach for strong successful women offers this advice.
He says that if you are wondering why he doesn't ask you out again and this happens all the time, it is easy to make excuses.
You say things to yourself like, "He wasn't right for me" or "I wasn't sure about him" and so on in lots of different variations. Sound familiar!
Did you ever think of asking yourself the question, "What could I have done differently to make the date better?" Look at yourself in the mirror when asking this question.
When this has happened time and time again, you do need to acknowledge that perhaps there is something you could do to improve the situation and I guess that is why you are reading this article.
Evan's book, “Why He Disappeared ”specifically deals with this question and that understanding men is the key.
Before you start to object and say that it's not your job to make your first dates better. I get it. If a guy is nervous around you, that's his issue, you want to meet someone who has confidence and can project a great positive image.
Think of, or imagine a time that you met an incredibly hot guy, rich, charismatic and just well gorgeous with absolutely everything. The only thing was, he was totally oblivious to you in a romantic way.
How did you feel? Did you feel nervous? Did you start talking too much or not talk at all or did rubbish just came out of your mouth. However you felt, you can probably relate to a time when you have felt like that, a guy in whose presence you just act quite bizarrely and just don't act like yourself at all. it's awkward.
Even more depressing is that you have blown the chance of getting together in the future.
If this has happened to you there's every chance that there's a guy out there who wasn't at his best on the first date. This is life. We all blow chances and opportunities at times.
It also makes sense that if you are running late to a date, or spend half of time checking your phone or not really listening to his stories, ask him too many questions about his past life and drill right down into his beliefs plus you are dissecting all of this while he speaks, it is going to be difficult for him to be be at his best.
Relax And Enjoy Yourself
So instead of spending most of the first date trying to dissect in your head, whether he would make a good partner, husband or father, treat it more like you are taking out and entertaining a client and you want to win his business.
Smile, be interested in what he is saying, go with the flow and ignore any flaws. Do everything you can to make the time you have together into a memorable evening and a good fun time.
Basically if you are having fun, he is having fun too.
Being easy going and relaxed sounds as though it is too simple but really it is that simple.
Do not try to overthink everything on a first date.
Don't put all the blame on men for a bad first date. You can help to make their job easier.
As Evan writes in "Why He Disappeared" he is bringing his best game plan to the date.
Help him out here.
You will very quickly find out that when you appreciate his company, relax and enjoy yourself, he will follow suit. You have decided to make him feel special and he can relax and have fun too.
Dating can be easy and fun again. All you need to do is understand what makes men tick. If you've ever agonized about why a guy didn’t want to date you, click here to learn more.
and this from Gina, who read Why He Disappeared last month.
Unmarried and forty four I thought I was doomed to a life of having men walk away without a word for the rest of my life.
I am attractive, intelligent and active. I enjoy the world and this one department of my life (namely men) was a frustrating mystery.
I had long-term relationships where the men wouldn't commit. For the past two years I have been in love with a man who was aloof and distant.
Perhaps, I thought to myself, I should be more laid back, less laid back, more witty, less witty, more forward, more direct, AND THEN he will love me.
Ah, then came Evan's tutorial.... I am free. I am happy and realized ways in which I was communicating ineffectively.
I since said adios to the man that was aloof and have moved on to other exciting prospects who are calling frequently and following through on their words.
Evan showed me ways in which I can actually lay back and enjoy the dating process and actually have men take control of the dating tempo (and boy do they ever!).
Evan showed me that I really didn't want to be with the guy that was making me feel unsure of myself.
That was the moment of freedom.
Thanks for showing me it's never too late to learn.