Table of Contents
- Why We Need New Terms for New Dynamics
- The Talking Stage Explained
- Situationships vs. Relationships
- Sneaky Links and Hookup Culture
- Breadcrumbing, Ghosting, and Other Red Flags
- How to Navigate Modern Dating Labels
- When to Demand Clarity
Why We Need New Terms for New Dynamics
Dating now bears almost no resemblance to dating even ten years ago. The rise of dating apps, changing attitudes about commitment, and the normalization of casual non-exclusive dynamics have created a need for new vocabulary.
But here’s what women need to understand: These new terms aren’t just neutral descriptors. They’ve become tools that allow people (mostly men) to enjoy relationship benefits without relationship responsibility.
“We’re just talking” means he gets your attention without commitment. “It’s a situationship” means he gets boyfriend perks without the boyfriend title. “She’s just a sneaky link” means he gets sex while keeping his options open.
Understanding these terms helps you recognize when you’re being played versus when someone is genuinely navigating modern dating with integrity.
Let’s decode the language of modern dating so you can protect yourself from time-wasters.
The Talking Stage Explained
What It Actually Means:
The “talking stage” is the period after matching on an app or exchanging numbers but before officially dating. You’re having regular conversations, maybe flirting, getting to know each other—but there’s no commitment and no clear intentions.
How Long It Should Last:
Here’s the uncomfortable truth women need to hear: The talking stage should last 2-4 weeks maximum.
If you’ve been “just talking” for months, you’re not in a stage—you’re being strung along.
What It Looks Like:
- Daily texting about your lives
- Asking questions to get to know each other
- Some flirting and chemistry building
- Maybe a phone or video call
- Leading to an actual in-person date
Red Flags in the Talking Stage:
He won’t make plans to meet in person. If it’s been weeks of texting and he has excuses every time you suggest meeting, he’s either catfishing, already in a relationship, or just enjoying the attention.
It’s only late-night texting. If all communication happens after 10 PM, you know exactly what he wants, and it’s not to talk.
He’s all questions, no sharing. If he interrogates you but reveals nothing about himself, he’s gathering data to manipulate you or he’s interviewing multiple women with the same script.
The conversation never deepens. If you’re still discussing the weather after three weeks, there’s no genuine interest—he’s just bored.
Green Flags in the Talking Stage:
He makes plans to meet within the first week or two. Men who are genuinely interested want to see if in-person chemistry matches the texting vibe.
He asks meaningful questions. He wants to know about your goals, values, and life—not just your physical stats.
He’s consistent. He reaches out regularly, maintains conversation flow, and doesn’t disappear for days then reappear with “sorry been busy.”
He moves at an appropriate pace. Not love-bombing, not glacial. Just steady progress toward actually dating.
How Women Should Handle the Talking Stage:
Set a mental deadline. After 2-3 weeks, if he hasn’t suggested meeting in person, you suggest it once. If he makes excuses, stop responding.
Don’t get emotionally invested. You’re gathering information, not falling in love. Talking ≠ commitment.
Keep your options open. Until you’re exclusive, you’re single. Talk to multiple people. Don’t put all your energy into one man who won’t even take you on a date.
Be direct about intentions. “I’m looking for a relationship, not a pen pal. Would you like to get coffee this week?” If he can’t match your energy, move on.
Situationships vs. Relationships
What Is a Situationship?
A situationship is an undefined romantic/sexual connection that has some relationship elements but no commitment, labels, or clarity about the future.
What it feels like:
- You’re acting like a couple but he won’t call you his girlfriend
- You’re exclusive (or think you are) but he won’t confirm it
- You do relationship things (deep talks, regular sex, meeting each other’s needs) without relationship security
- Asking “what are we?” gets met with deflection, defensiveness, or vague non-answers
Why Situationships Exist:
Because they benefit men enormously. He gets companionship, sex, emotional support, and the comfort of a relationship without having to be accountable, plan a future, or close his other options.
Meanwhile, you’re in limbo—invested enough to keep showing up, insecure enough to keep trying to earn the title.
The Harsh Truth:
If a man wants you to be his girlfriend, he makes you his girlfriend. There’s no confusion, no ambiguity, no “let’s just see where this goes.”
“I don’t like labels” means “I don’t want the accountability that comes with labeling you as my partner.”
Signs You’re in a Situationship:
- You’ve been seeing each other for months without defining the relationship
- He introduces you as his “friend” or avoids introducing you at all
- You don’t know if you’re exclusive
- Future plans beyond next week don’t include you
- His social media gives no indication you exist
- You feel anxious about your status constantly
- Your friends keep asking “what’s going on with you two?”
How to Escape a Situationship:
Have the conversation. “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I’m looking for a committed relationship. Is that something you see us moving toward?”
Watch his response carefully. Not his words—his actions afterward. If he says “I need more time” but nothing changes in two weeks, that’s your answer.
Be willing to walk away. Most women stay in situationships because they’re afraid to lose the connection. But you can’t lose what you never had.
The Bottom Line:
After 2-3 months of consistent dating, if he won’t commit to being in a relationship with you, he never will. You’re teaching him that he can have all the benefits without any commitment—why would he change that arrangement?
Stop accepting situationships. Demand clarity. And when men refuse to give it, leave.
Sneaky Links and Hookup Culture
What Is a Sneaky Link?
A “sneaky link” is someone you’re hooking up with secretly—your friends don’t know, your social media doesn’t know, you meet up discreetly just for sex.
Why the term is problematic:
It romanticizes being someone’s secret. It makes being hidden seem mysterious or exciting instead of what it actually is: disrespectful.
The reality: You’re not a sneaky link—you’re someone he’s ashamed to acknowledge publicly.
Why Men Have Sneaky Links:
- He’s in a relationship and you’re the affair
- He doesn’t want his ex or someone he’s pursuing to know about you
- He’s embarrassed to be seen with you but will sleep with you
- He wants to keep his options open and doesn’t want to be seen as “taken”
- He’s juggling multiple women and keeping you all separate
Signs You’re Someone’s Sneaky Link:
- You only see each other at night at one of your apartments
- He never takes you anywhere public
- You’re not on his social media
- He won’t add you on social platforms or follows you from a fake account
- Your friends have never met him
- He gives you specific times to text him (because he’s managing multiple women or a girlfriend)
- The relationship is purely physical with minimal emotional connection
What Women Need to Know:
If you’re okay with casual, purely physical connections—fine. But be honest with yourself about what this is.
You’re not “dating.” You’re not “getting to know each other.” You’re convenient sex, and the moment someone he actually wants to date comes along, you’ll be ghosted.
How to Avoid Being a Sneaky Link:
Require public dates. If he only wants to “hang out” at your place, he’s not interested in dating you—he wants easy access to sex.
Watch his social media behavior. If he follows you but never interacts with your posts, views your stories but never messages, or refuses to be tagged in photos with you—he’s keeping you hidden.
Meet his friends. Within the first month or two of dating, you should meet at least some of his friends. If he refuses or makes excuses, you’re being kept separate from his real life.
Don’t accept night-only communication. If he only texts you after 9 PM or only wants to see you late at night, you’re a booty call with a cute nickname.
Breadcrumbing, Ghosting, and Other Red Flags
Breadcrumbing
What it is: Sending just enough attention to keep you interested without any intention of committing or following through.
What it looks like:
- Sporadic texts that are flirty but don’t lead to plans
- Liking your Instagram stories but not actually asking you out
- Sending “thinking about you” messages that go nowhere
- Promising to make plans “soon” but never actually scheduling anything
Why men do it: To keep you as an option while pursuing others, to get validation and attention without effort, or to have someone to text when they’re bored.
What you should do: Stop responding. Delete the thread. Block if necessary. Breadcrumbs aren’t food—don’t survive on scraps of attention.
Ghosting
What it is: Disappearing completely without explanation after dating, talking, or even being in a relationship.
Why it happens: Because people are cowards who avoid uncomfortable conversations, because you were never a priority, or because they found someone else.
What it means: It means they’re emotionally immature and you dodged a bullet. Anyone willing to vanish without a word doesn’t have the character for a real relationship.
What you should do: Grieve it, learn from it, and move on. Don’t reach out multiple times. Don’t make excuses for them. One follow-up text is acceptable; anything more is chasing someone who’s told you through their silence that they’re not interested.
Haunting
What it is: Ghosting you then continuing to watch your social media stories and like your posts months later.
Why it happens: They want to keep tabs on you without actual interaction, they’re nostalgic but not interested enough to reconnect, or they want to keep you as a backup option.
What you should do: Block them. Seriously. They don’t get to consume your content while refusing to engage with you as a person.
Zombieing
What it is: Ghosting you then suddenly reappearing weeks or months later acting like nothing happened.
Common messages: “Hey stranger,” “been thinking about you,” “sorry I disappeared, things got crazy.”
Why it happens: The person they left you for didn’t work out, they’re lonely, or they realized you were a good option.
What you should do: Don’t respond. Or if you must, ask directly: “Why did you ghost me?” Their answer will tell you whether they’ve grown or are just trying to see if you’re still available.
Benching
What it is: Keeping you as a backup option while they pursue someone else as their first choice.
What it looks like: Consistent but minimal contact, never making concrete plans, keeping you interested but at arm’s length.
Why it happens: They don’t want to lose access to you but you’re not their priority.
What you should do: Refuse to be anyone’s second choice. If you get benched vibes, address it directly or walk away.
Orbiting
What it is: Breaking up with you or stopping dating you but continuing to engage with all your social media.
Why it happens: They want to keep you in their life without the commitment, they’re nosy, or they want you to know they’re still watching.
What you should do: If an ex or former situationship is orbiting you and it bothers you, remove them from your followers. You’re not obligated to give anyone access to your life.
How to Navigate Modern Dating Labels
Be Clear About What You Want
Stop being vague because you’re afraid to scare men away. “I’m looking for a committed relationship” isn’t desperate—it’s honest. The men it scares away weren’t going to give you that anyway.
Use Labels to Your Advantage
When you understand terms like “situationship” and “talking stage,” you can identify when you’re in them and decide if that’s what you want. Knowledge is power.
Don’t Accept Terms That Diminish You
If he calls you his “sneaky link,” his “shawty,” or any term that suggests you’re casual and hidden, correct him or leave. You’re not a secret. You’re a woman worthy of public acknowledgment.
Create Your Own Timeline
You don’t have to accept culture’s rules. If you want to know where things are going after a month, ask. If you need exclusivity before sex, require it. Your standards are valid.
Watch How He Uses Language
Does he call other women “crazy exes” and “sneaky links”? Does he brag about being in a situationship? The way he talks about other women is how he’ll talk about you.
When to Demand Clarity
After 8-12 Dates or 2-3 Months
If you’ve been consistently seeing each other, having sex, meeting each other’s needs—you deserve clarity about what you are.
How to ask: “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you. I’m looking for a committed relationship—is that something you see us moving toward?”
If He Says “I Need More Time”
Ask: “How much more time?” And then set a deadline in your head. Two more weeks, maximum. If nothing changes, leave.
If He Says “I Don’t Like Labels”
Respond: “I need clarity about whether we’re exclusive and moving toward a relationship. If that’s not what you want, I respect that, but I need to know so I can make informed choices.”
If He Gets Defensive or Angry
You have your answer. A man who truly cares about you won’t be offended by you needing clarity—he’ll be relieved to define things.
The Truth About “Going With The Flow”
“Let’s just go with the flow” benefits the person who doesn’t want commitment. You’re not going with any flow—you’re drifting in his direction while he keeps all his options open.
Healthy relationships have intention and direction. Flowing is for rivers, not relationships.
The Bottom Line
Modern dating terms exist to describe new dynamics, but many of these dynamics serve to keep women in limbo while men enjoy relationship benefits without responsibility.
Understanding the language helps you identify what situation you’re in and decide if it aligns with what you actually want.
But more importantly: Stop accepting undefined relationships.
The talking stage ends with a date or ends period. Situationships end with commitment or end period. Sneaky links either become public or you walk away.
You don’t need to navigate the ambiguity of modern dating. You need to demand clarity and walk away from anyone who refuses to provide it.
The right person won’t confuse you about where you stand. They’ll be clear, consistent, and committed.
Everyone else is wasting your time with fancy terms for “I want the benefits of dating you without actually dating you.”
Don’t fall for it.
Share this if you’re demanding clarity! Tag a friend stuck in a situationship who needs to read this.